The fence. Ahem. THE fence. If there’s one thing most of us can agree on, it’s that our new Coastal Highway median fence is ... let me put it this way: it’s probably like meeting someone from a dating website — (he or she) looked so much better in the photos.
Or, as was once said to me about the only blind date I ever agreed to, “She has a great smile!” which we all know is a more polite way of saying “Your date doesn’t always walk on all fours.”
If the State Highway Administration had said something to that effect in the beginning, I would have known what to expect. “So, what we are talking about, ladies and gentlemen, as regards your desire to protect pedestrians from themselves is an undulating median fence that … has a great smile.”
Later on, of course, we were presented with some photo art that showed how the fence would look — from the International Space Station. Actually, it was more like several hundred feet across the street and two or three stories above the intersection, but that’s just a minor detail, since almost everything looks better from a distance.
“Here’s a picture of your blind date. Looks good, right?” “Yeah, not bad for a Google satellite photo. I can almost see that great smile.” I don’t want to belittle the good intentions of those who just want to prevent people from getting run over, a noble and worthwhile cause if there ever was one. Still but I am wondering if we might not have accomplished the same thing for less money by instituting a leash law for those prone to crossing the highway against traffic.
I think something like those retractable dog leashes would be ideal. Whoever it’s attached to will get a certain amount of freedom until he or she starts to go too far. “Whoa! Hold on there, pal. Time to reel you in.”
Honestly, though, I am reserving my final judgment until the fence is finished and all the barrels and other obstructions are removed. Then we’ll see what kind of smile it has. In the meantime, I was amused by one piece of fence-related news. An area TV station recently posted this: “Ocean city median fence raises safety concerns after man craws under fence.
Craws? I wonder if he crawed on all fours?