The Public Eye

printed 10/04/2019

The positive side of last weekend’s visit by swarms of vehicular insects is that thousands of basements along the East Coast finally got a good cleaning, and moms could make something for dinner beside mini pizzas.

Although it is true that our papers were flying off the newsstands over the course of the infestation, I suspect many of them were collected for use back home as nesting material.

Admittedly, lumping all the participants together as a sort of fresh-air-kid outing for the socially awkward is unfair, when other plausible explanations for the visitation exist.

For instance, many home gardeners hoping for one last harvest might have shooed them away for the weekend because they were eating all the leaves on the tomato plants.

It also could have been that travel plans were made after a successful day at work at the car wash, where, I am told, people with small hands can do quite well fishing out loose change from under the seat cushions.

Or, maybe it was nothing more than a big bagworm hatch back home.

And Bernie Sanders wants to pay off all student loans? Clearly, some standards must be applied, including the denial of federal assistance to anyone whose mother continues to do his or her laundry.

Am I being unfair to innocent parties? Yep, but that’s too bad, because that’s what the bad guys among the innocents did to us. So buzz off for now, but do come back after you have emerged from the larval stage.

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