The Public Eye

printed 12/14/2018

The U.S. Coast Guard, which is used to improvising because of a federal funding requirement listed under “Oh Yeah, the Coast Guard, Hmmmmm,” got into the holiday spirit this week with seasonal aids to navigation.

“Coast Guard Station Ocean City deployed YDDs (Yuletide-Designating Devices) in the channel to advise mariners of the CiC (Christmas is Coming) maritime navigational protocol,” according to an official statement from the district office in Portsmouth (see Sec. 2, 7.c iii Fa La La La ch. 2 for guidance).

Despite the usual budget restraints — funding for new YDDs has been diverted to hang Christmas lights on the border wall — the Coast Guard requistioned and repainted this pair of inflatables from a local retail store.

“And we got a free hermit crab to boot,” a spokesman said.

Meanwhile, the service expects hearings in the next congress concerning whether “Red Right Returning” is a political statement.

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