The Public Eye

printed 05/10/2019

After being asked recently about the well-being of my more or less faithful canine companion, Crazy Eddie, and whether he still occupies a place on the planet, it occurred to me that at least one other person might be wondering the same thing.


“I’d like to report a squirrel.”

Why that is I couldn’t tell you, except that contemplating Eddie’s circumstances probably beats endless hours of trying to understand national and world affairs.

This is not to mention trying to sort out which evening news stories about these subjects may be discussed with others without having take time off from work while you’re in recovery.

Obviously, Crazy Eddie doesn’t know a tariff from a mastiff, and so is a safe subject of conversation, except, maybe, for the occasional incident when he, umm … er … Let’s just say he has a condition that isn’t necessarily conducive to exchanging pleasantries with friends, neighbors and passersby.

“Hi, welcome to the neighborhood, and this is Crazy … Get Out Of Here, Eddie!”

But the answer regarding his continued existence is, yes, Crazy Eddie, keeps on keeping on, and still occasionally indulges in the pursuit of terrorist tree rodents (his view, not mine) that threaten our existence.

The fact is, however, Eddie has matured, which means he’s still crazy, but, like me and many of my friends, can’t do much about it.

Just the other day, as it happens, I issued the magic word, “Squirrel!” and all I got was a blank stare from his throne on the chaise lounge, as if to say, “If you’re so excited about it, you take care of it. I’m watching the game.”

This is in spite of the fact that the only thing Eddie understands about baseball is that the balls don’t squeak.

I suppose he watches and hopes, which isn’t that much different from what I do these days when the Orioles play.

In any event, The Ed, as he now prefers to be called, is living the life of luxury, with not one or two, but four separate napping spots he has claimed as his own.

I should point out, however, that we have revoked his phone privileges after some seriously questionable stock purchases, although I do have to admit that one selection wasn’t bad: Bank of Akron, or BARK:US.

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