The Public Eye

printed 12/11/2020

Earbook. Nosebook. Eyebook.

We can only hope that’s how federal and state anti-trust lawsuits against the monolithic messaging monger, Facebook, work out, broken into a zillion body part mini-books.

That’s what the federal government did to AT&T, aka Bell Telephone, a few decades back, and divided it into regional “Baby Bell” phone companies (which didn’t exactly work out either, but that’s another story).

I say, “we can only hope,” but it would be more accurate to say that “I can only hope,” because I’m clearly one of the few people who is, to borrow a term, a Facebook anti-truster.

I’m not now and never have been a fan, because I just as soon post flyers about myself on telephone poles as I would share my information with, potentially, every con artist, government outfit, and anyone else who buys subscriber data from these characters, especially without giving me a cut.

Even more amazing to me is the irony that millions of people in this country do not trust government with their information, but, for some reason, do trust this and other social programs with it.

This is not to mention the info flow from all the other hackable apps, appliances and technological whatnot that we must have as soon as it’s available.

Further, I blame Facebook and other social media for allowing the spread of some of the craziest conspiracy theories of all time — and people believing them, because …

I don’t know, maybe it makes them feel better to have someone else confirm their suspicion that the Lizard People really are plotting our demise.

Not that anyone in a position of real authority pays any attention to me, but if the courts do decide to bust up Facebook at some point, I’m recommending that each Baby Book get assigned its own body part name that most accurately reflects its content and purpose.

Earbook, for example, would contain only second-hand information somebody heard someone else say.

Eyebook would be for images, but would need a subsidiary Skeptical-Eyebook for images that may or may not have been manipulated (SHOCKING PHOTOS OF TINKERBELL, LASSIE AND BETTY CROCKER!).

Nosebook, obviously, would appeal to people who stink and their stinking theories, while Chinbook would be all talk and no action.

The best part, literally, is if federal regulators go far enough, there are many, many other body parts available that would convey the nature of a Baby Book site’s content.

“Hey, did you know that the real villains in the past election were actually sleeper agent rogue hamsters from Syria that secretly ate hundreds of thousands of ballots?”

“Wow! I did not! Where’d you hear that?”

“On (fill in the blank) book, of course.”

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