The Public Eye

printed 02/22/2019

A number of questions have been nagging at me for some time now, and I need help. Let me clarify: not that kind of help, but specific help finding answers for the following things that I find puzzling:

1. For all the people who believe a president should be able to work around a nonfunctional Congress by declaring a national emergency, two words give me pause. Make that three words: Bernie Freakin’ Sanders.

How can so many people think it’s acceptable for the Current Occupant to say, “too bad for you, I’m doing it anyway,” without thinking about the possibility that Bernie Freakin’ Sanders, the political polar opposite of the Current Occupant, is standing on deck, hoping for his turn at bat?

Sure, you say, he’ll never make the cut, a statement that, as political forecasting goes, seems to have a familiar ring to it.

Besides, the way our politics have been going lately, our next president could be selected by the Rule Five draft. That’s a baseball reference for a process that allows teams to pick from a pool of players who say they can do the job, but haven’t so far and, in any event, are better than nothing.

Come to think of it, I believe we have done that before as well.

2. Why is it that certain pharmaceutical commercials on television use slow motion to portray people who have benefitted from their medications?

This is especially the case when the treatment is for mood or gastrointestinal disorders.

While I certainly have great sympathy for sufferers of any these conditions, having their actor counterparts move s-l-o-w-l-y to illustrate how much better they feel doesn’t make sense.

It’s like, “I ... use ... to ... have ... to … go … right … now. But … with … new ... prescription … WeeFree … ‘right … now’ … happened … 30 … minutes … ago.”

Mood-altering drug commercials are worse, because there’s so many of them.

“I suffer from peeved-at-everything disorder, but now, I’m … umm… who … cares? Heyyyyy, kidddsssss, whooooo’s uuupppp fooooorrrr watchinnggg paaaintt dryyyyyy?”

3. Would it be too far off to say that we’ve had so much rain in the last couple of months that you’d have to use a booster seat to sit at the water table?

4. Here’s something for food lovers that I just discovered. Did you know you can order prime rib on Amazon?

It’s true, but what’s even better is that some of its suppliers will ship it to you at no charge under the right circumstances.

My question is whether that extra service makes this chunk of meat Amazon Prime rib, or Amazon Prime prime rib?

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