The Public Eye

printed 12/09/2022

Now that we have this being thankful business out of the way and have returned to our national pastime of muttering about the ridiculousness of everyone else, I have a question I’d like to mutter: am I the only person who doesn’t give two hoots about the television news reports on air travel problems during the holidays?

I can’t be the only one, considering that of the 332 million people in this country, only 27 million of them flew Thanksgiving week.

The rest of us drove, rode, sailed, took the train or followed my example of limiting any holiday movement to a slow shuffle between the kitchen, the living room, the facilities and back, but not necessarily in that order.

Clearly, television news editors think we care about those 27 million people, or they believe that they are more important than the rest of us simply because they got on a plane.

That has to be it, because TV news programs beat us to death with stories about how these folks took to the skies over the holidays and — get this — returned home safely!

Wow, who would have thought that would happen?

In other words, for those of us who didn’t go anywhere that required a boarding pass, or a security scan or a pat-down, this coverage was about as exciting as having an aisle seat in a duck blind (Incidentally, a pat-down is not required to enter a duck blind. If someone says otherwise, you might want to join another outfit).

But if this travel news is so critical to our knowledge base, I suggest they cover some of us as well to keep us engaged.

“And this just in from Ocean City, Maryland: a man whose holiday travels consisted of four days of slip-sliding between the recliner and the refrigerator reported that he departed the refrigerator with a very nice sandwich that somehow failed to arrive at his destination with him. We reached out to him for details.”

Traveler: “That’s right, Lester, it was about midway during my trip that I pulled over at a scenic overlook and the next thing I know, the sandwich was gone. I have no idea what happened.”

Lester: “Our people have just located a witness to the incident. Let’s hear what she has to say.”

Witness: “First, it might be a scenic overlook to him, but it’s the bathroom mirror to me. Secondly, he was staring blankly into it trying to change the channels after two days of watching football, then he dropped his sandwich when he nodded off standing up and the dog ate it.”

On the other hand, if some of these 27 million travelers would check in with me from time to time, I might care more about what did or did not happen to them.

I know what you’re saying — there’s no way one person could get a million phone calls a day from otherwise anonymous people.

I say, oh yeah? Clearly, anyone who says that is not on the prescription-ready call list from the pharmacy.

Whoops. Gotta run. It’s CVS calling.

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