The Public Eye

printed 02/25/2022

Just when I thought things had settled down to our new normal of everyday bat doo-doo crazy, a right wing commentator calls for our invasion of Canada, because, pick one:

1. Prime Minister Justin Trudeau is a ruthless, hockey puck of a dictator, eh?

2. We must end Canada’s attempt to impose its brand of polite behavior on the world, by force if necessary, i.e. “We’re taking over your country, please and thank you.”

3. That women’s hockey team has it coming.

For all I know, it could be any or all of the above, but the answer given is that Trudeau had the gall to bust up that convoy of anti-vaccine truckers, who were doing nothing more than preventing anyone from entering or leaving a city or two.

In other words, they were engaging in normal political discourse, or were tourists.

Regardless, this action had severe international ramifications, including the blockade on our country’s annual, and vitally needed, shipment of Labatt Blue beer.

At five percent alcohol by volume, Labatt has been a major peacekeeping force on the border for 165 years.

Equally notable is that it gives the dialogue between us and them a clean refreshing taste with a distinct hop aroma, delicate fruit flavor and a slightly sweet aftertaste.

But more importantly — and here is where things get weird — Labatt is owned by AB InBev, the most recent version of the Belgian/Brazilian company that invaded this country several years ago and captured Budweiser.

In short, AB InBev grabbed real America by the long neck without a shot fired, or one on the side.

Talk about your global conspiracies, this commentator is focusing on Trudeau and the truck blockade, eh? But spared from any criticism or invasion talk is AB InBev, which is quietly taking over the world via beerocratic methods.

Its foamy fingers are already choking 130 countries with 400 — yes, 400! — brands of brew, from disloyal lagers to pernicious pilsners and ignominious IPAs.

And yet, not one person has suggested that we roll in and take care of the mastermind behind this quest for world domination, Belgium.

That’s right, Belgium. That’s where the real threat is. It’s true that Brazil is its partner in this nefarious scheme, but anyone who’s ever seen certain of Brazil’s beach volleyball pairs on television knows ... well, a degree of forgiveness would be order, at least in my opinion.

Besides, it’s the scheming people of Belgium who continue to fly under critics’ radar, even though, like Canada, they pose a real danger to civilization as we know it by being “exceptionally well-mannered.” Yikes! When will it end?

I say let Trudeau do whatever he must to establish control of his country. It’s time we marched on the Belgians and showed them who’s boss, and let the waffles fall where they may.

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