The Public Eye

printed 10/22/2021

It probably got lost in the biased reporting of the national media, but when Rep. Andy Harris, a physician, prescribed the animal worming medicine ivermectin as a coronavirus preventative, more good came out of it than people know.

As one person told me, “My husband, Cosmo, took it. On the downside, it didn’t do diddly for or against covid-19, but on a positive note, he did stop scooting across the lawn.

“That’s a big plus, especially when I let him out in the morning.”

It’s rare that I’m at a loss for words, but I’m unable to explain why people reject clinically proven treatments and vaccines in favor of bizarre approaches they have heard about through one grapevine or the other.

It’s a fact, though, that people have been coming up with crazy medical theories for centuries. Back in the 1300s, when the Black Death was doing some extensive population control in Europe and Asia, one physician declared that the cause of its spread was that the “aerial spirits” of sick people were seeping out of their eyes and infecting anyone who looked at them. You can look it up.

Today, of course, everyone knows that eye-spirit leakage is easily prevented by a putting on a pair of Ray-Bans, with maybe a six-month booster of Maui Jim’s.

Some cures, however, truly are inexplicable. Who knew, for instance, that a magic arrowhead in the hands of an expert could make warts disappear from the hands of two little kids? It’s true.

Many years ago, my brother and his friend were freed of this affliction by the friend’s father, who sat them down, rubbed the magic arrowhead on their warts and invoked the seemingly simple, yet miraculously effective incantation, “Magic, magic, go away.”

As spells go, “magic, magic, go away” doesn’t exactly inspire a sense of wonder in the eyes of the observer, but hey, not everyone knows Latin.

Another thing I can’t grasp during this corona commotion is how and when objecting to vaccines became acceptable in the military. Apparently, tens of thousands of service members are saying they aren’t going to comply with the vaccination mandate.

Had I known that back in the day when boot camp-level trainees had to be inoculated against 11, count ‘em, eleven, different diseases, I would have opted out of standing in line at the clinic with 500 or so other stark naked idiots and hearing the drill instructor yell, “Stand heel-to-toe, men, heel-to-toe. Make the man in front of you smile.”

Let me tell you about that. There is no smiling. When you’re standing that close to each other, if seamen recruit 500 at the end of the line so much as twitches, it’s like dominoes — Bip-bip-bip-bip-bip ... or “watch it-watch it-watch it-watch it-watch it-watch it ...”

I’m not kidding, just as I’m not kidding when I say that the one thing you would never have done is voice an objection to the process.

“Sir? Excuse me, sir. But I’ve heard some less-than-positive things about that yellow fever vaccine, so I’m going to pass on that one. Cool? Besides, just to be safe, I brought along a magic arrowhead. You’ll never guess how I got it in here.”

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