The Public Eye

printed 02/15/2019

Donald Trump Jr. endeared himself to the world of education recently by saying teachers are “losers” who have been pushing socialism on students since birth.

His statement, issued to young people at a border rally in Texas, makes three things clear:

1. Why he isn’t a White House advisor.

2.Why teachers’ retirement programs must be revamped to reflect the years they spend saying, “goo-goo, cutesy wootsey, socialism is good” to babies and tots before they actually enter the school system.

3. Why I failed algebra in the ninth grade.

“So, Dobson, if Y is Z squared, and Z squared is P, what is X?”

“Beats me.”

“Wrong! X is SOCIALISM.”

The way I figure it, if socialism was being pushed so much by school teachers, they would have taken some of the credits earned by the A students in algebra and reapportioned them to me just for being there.

Likewise in History, Wood Shop, Gym (yes, even Gym, where excellence in post-shower towel-snapping will cost you points), and Foreign Languages.

“So, Dobson, what’s the passive subjunctive pluperfect of the Latin verb monere?”

“Beats-us me-us?”

“Wrong! It’s Socialism!”

The fact is, because of teachers constantly pushing socialism, I departed high school with a D average in everything except the sciences, in which I always excelled (go figure), and English, which, ahem, I failed.

“So, Dobson, what are the central themes of Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar?”

“Beats me, you commie so-and-so.”

I realized my senior English teacher was a commie when he made my buddy, Roger, and me sit on the girls’ side of the room as punishment for exchanging wisecracks.

“Pssst. Roger, what did Caesar wear under his toga?”

“Underwear?”

“Under his toga.”

“Underwear?”

“Under his toga!”

“Under …”

“Hey, you two go sit with the girls.”

In my view, only a socialist-commie would have thought that moving us to the other side of the room was a stern punishment.

“Oh no, not that!” Roger and I proclaimed in unison, as we raced over to a pair of desks surrounded by a passel of winsome gigglers.

“Well, hello there. Ever wonder what Caesar wore under his toga?”

“Hee-hee-hee-hee.”

But teachers are losers? I suppose they are for having to work for a living because they weren’t clever enough to be born into money.

Besides, if they were any good, surely one of them would have caught on early that Junior was or is driving in the slow lane, as it were.

“So, Master Trump, in trigonometry, what’s a cosine?”

“Hmmm. Co-sign? My dad has to do that for me.”

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