With this summer’s resident goose roundup still casting a pall over our Ocean Pines community, my neighbors and I are wondering which of God’s creatures will be next on the hit list.
Will it be the buzzards? My next-door neighbor has a flock of buzzards roosting in his trees every night, and they poop. There are piles of poop under those trees. This has been going on for years.
It’s quite remarkable that, despite the long-term exposure to buzzard poop, my neighbor still manages to get his yard work done and is one of the healthiest people I’ve ever met.
Perhaps raccoons will be a future target. I doubt if a mass murder of raccoons would cause nearly as much anger in the community as with the geese, as raccoons are a known carrier of rabies. Since they are carnivores, their poop is probably quite nasty.
Do you suppose the Ocean Pines Gestapo is secretly amassing a huge collection of raccoon traps, even as I write this? Maybe that’s where some of the missing money went!
We shudder to think that our fearless leaders may even be working on a hidden agenda to round up and euthanize some of us resident humans, too. Like the resident geese, most of us came here from somewhere else, because Ocean Pines has all of the amenities that any goose or human could possibly want. However, there are now too many humans here.
We are creating such problems as traffic congestion, overcrowding in restaurants, long lines in the supermarket, and we poop. Some of us poop a lot, and human poop is one of the most toxic substances that any living thing could be exposed to. Ocean Pines’ sewer system must be stressed to the max by now.
Since it’s better to be safe than sorry, many of us humans are busily prepping in the event we should hear those dreaded knocks on our doors during the wee hours of the morning. We’ve learned a lesson from the geese, and will not be caught off-guard.
Although we are going to be totally prepared, none of us believe such a thing will actually happen as long as the money keeps rolling in from our assessment fees. It’s all about the money. If those poor geese had been giving them money to throw away, I can just about guarantee that each and every one of those beautiful birds would still be here, too.
Anyone who thinks the goose issue will simply go away is not living in the real world.
Jonathan E. Lambert